Fear of Failure

There is something that has become very clear to me as I continue on my learn-to-paint journey. I have a significant fear of failure. I work hard at my day job all day every day. And then I think about a painting that I would like to create in the evening or over the weekend. And more often than not, I am sad to say, that is as far as it goes.

I think. I plan. I think some more. And then I often do something other than picking up a paint brush and getting started. Maybe I should just watch a Flyers hockey game instead...

Why? The answer to that one is pretty easy. I expect that I will attempt a painting and not like the result. It is far easier to go to the Jerry's Artarama store in Newark Delaware, or even the local Michael's store, browse the art supplies, buy some stuff I don't need (because I already have more art supplies than I can use) and consider myself a fledgling artist, than it is to actually try to make some art.

Which is odd, in that many of the paintings I have actually completed have been OK, and I am able to look at them through the lens of someone who is a beginner at all this, and be happy at what I have done. Some of them I like a lot.

All of which I find strangely fascinating. I would consider myself to be relatively bright and relatively self-aware, and yet despite how easy it is to stand back and objectively recognize all of this, I am finding it hard to break the cycle of self-doubt.

Anyway, they say that the first step towards solving a problem is to admit that you have a problem. So, yeah, I have an actually-doing-the-thing-rather-than-just-thinking-about-doing-the-thing problem.

I'd like to work on a painting or two this weekend. I have a bunch of thoughts in my head.

Let's see what happens...